My youngest daughter, aka "the heat seeking missile" invaded my bed in the middle of the night. So what's the big deal you ask? Why is it so bad to have that sweet, little angel face snuggle next to you while you sleep?
Simple: she's a bed hog. I spent the latter half of the night curled up in the fetal position, hanging half out of my Cal King as she'd shifted sideways. Her feet, complete with invisible vacuums designed to suck the heat from your body, wedged themselves into my back and pushed at regular intervals, alerting me to the fact that my bed was no longer my own.
On top of her unconscious efforts to oust me from my cocoon, I had to contend with Mocha, the Diva Dog Extraordinaire. My chihuahua, princess that she is, refuses to sleep in her crate at night. She whines, she cries, scratches, shakes and makes a horrible racket. I've long since given up and allow her to sleep on the bed with me. This would be fine if she slept at the foot of the bed. Of course, I'm not that lucky. Nope...Heat Sucker number two, likes to sleep on top of my legs. Therein lie the problem. With a twelve pound Chi on my legs and a cold, bony set of feet in my back, I got about as much sleep as a meth addict on a caffeine high. Zero!
Needless to say, I'm a wee bit feisty this morning. So on with the ranting...
The following things really chap my hide:
1. Bob Costas's hair- It's helmet like shape defies the laws of physics and sends the contents of my stomach hurtling up from my stomach any time I see it. I swear, if the man were placed in the center of a hurricane, everything surrounding him; homes, buildings, two hundred year old trees, would tear away from their resting places, break apart and fly away, while his hair would remain stubbornly in place. That right there, my friends, is wrong!
2. Brownies- Their sugary goodness is simply too much, and I find I cannot resist. This doesn't bode well, as this particular chocolaty confection ranks high on my list of ass-expanding foods that must be avoided. My husband, enabler that he is, refuses to refer to said list when traipsing through Costco and inevitably always comes home with a giant box. I suppose I should be irritated with my hubby for pimping the fatty food, but he's just too darn cute, so I'll hate on Costco instead. Down with bulk distributors!!!!
3. Winter- it chaps my hide in the literal sense. Dry, cracked and bloody hands are not fun. Nuff said.
4. The hair I found growing on my chin- For Pete's sake! I'm only thirty eight years old. In my opinion, that's definitely too young to be dealing with strange and unusual body hair. With my luck, I'll wake up tomorrow morning sporting a wicked looking wart on the side of my nose, all my teeth will have fallen out and a giant lump will have formed on the upper part of my back. That's how it happens people. One morning you wake up with a stray chin hair, the next, you look like the witch from Snow White. Gah!!!!
Okay...rant over. Feel free to chime in. The old saying is very true. Misery DOES love company. Happy Saturday!
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